Words Amidst Tears
by me4
Summary: Sirius's thoughts in Azkaban...::shrug:: I'm in an angsty mood today..read & review!


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Words Amidst Tears

Silence. Sirius stood in silence, staring at Peter Pettigrew. The horrible little man was shivering, as he always was, his wand out and ready. Suddenly, Peter was screaming extremely loudly.

"James and Lily, Sirius! How could you?!" A blast issued from his wand, and Sirius cringed as the sewer broke and a whole in the ground looked as if it suddenly appeared. Muggles and wizards alike screamed in agony and fear as Sirius stood, laughing madly. 

First on the scene was Cornelius Fudge as he hurried and grabbed Sirius, placing a charm on him so that he couldn't leave. Soon, the workers at the ministry came and took Sirius away. Took him away to Azkaban where they figured he would rot and die a crazed man.

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Sirius woke up, staring straight at the cement wall. Dementors slowly passed, making Sirius cringe and begin to think horrible thoughts. _Why did they put me in here without a trial? I'm innocent! It was all Peter. Peter, that scum. How could he do that to Lily? To James? After we cradled him throughout Hogwarts, he betrays them!_

Screams still echoed in his mind as he covered his ears, wanting them to leave. He stood up and looked out of his cell. Dementors were walking by other cells, yet they weren't close enough to bother Sirius. Screams issued from the other cells as men starved or, more likely, went insane. Sirius, however, didn't. His thoughts were on two words: I'm innocent. He knew he was innocent, so why should he give in to power?

He could escape someday. Someday in the future. Ten years in Azkaban does rot a man's mind, yet he kept thinking of Harry. And innocence. And Harry Potter. The boy is probably being tortured by his muggle aunt and uncle. How different it would have been if Harry's parents were still alive...They would have took him to Platform nine and three-quarters. They would have taught him how to become a great wizard and, perhaps, find someone as they did. James and Lily, the inseparable couple. Lily and James; best friends. 

They had it all: a great job, a son, a perfect marriage, and friends. Well, they thought they did. Until Peter betrayed them, the ugly scum! _I'll get him, before long. I know, I'll kill him someday. Or at least make him suffer. _Sirius went back to his pathetic bed, staring at his pathetic room.

The bed was against the freezing wall; no windows whatsoever. It was always dark, yet his eyes had adjusted. His dark eyes. What color were they? He had forgotten, not having a mirror for so long. Actually, he believe they were brown. Yes, brown. Deep brown, like mud. Or were they gray? Blue? Hazel? Perhaps they were hazel. He would never know again.

His thoughts wandered. Eventually, they landed on Lily and James

_Lily! No! Not Lily! No! no! No! James, come back! Don't die on me, James! What will I do without you? Who will I work with at the Ministry? We were going to be friends forever and live in a mansion next to a forest. On days off, we were going to transform into our animagi forms and run around, scaring Lily._

He has your hair, James. And your eyes, Lily. Oh why did they have to die? Why? Peter, you scum! You betrayed us all! They should have made Remus or me their Secret-Keeper, we wouldn't have betrayed them like you did.

Lily, oh Lily. We were going to go fishing. Off in the Atlantic Ocean! You, Me, James, and Remus. Peter hates the water. I'll drown him. But we were going to go fishing, Lily, fishing! Friends go fishing. We were going to have..to have a party. A dinner party, with food and fun. And we were going to watch Harry, your little one, grow up together. James and I were going to brag about how good of a wizard Harry would be. We were going to brag about how many jokes he pulled! We were going to brag to Severus! Severus, think of the look on his face.

But you all left me. Left me alone, in Azkaban. No, you didn't leave me. Peter forced you to, it was his fault! And Voldemort! That SCUM! I can't think of anything to call him but a worthless, rotting, scum. He should die, suffering, as should Peter. I'll avenge your murders, I will.

Lily, I'll never see your beautiful green eyes again. Never. James, I'll never be able to joke with you again. Ever? Never.

Tears coursed down Sirius's face. He cried deep into the night. His hair was uncombed and frizzy; it was also falling from his head because of stress. Stress from the Dementors. Stress from his own thoughts. He couldn't stop it; he kept thinking about that day. The day he had seen them, lying in the rubble of their own house. And that image of Harry, alone, holding their hands threatened to consume him and make him go insane.

_Sirius arrived at the scene first. It was deserted. Lily and James were lying on top of rubble, their eyes gray and cast over in the grim shadow of death. Sirius fell at their side, tears running down his face, yet he did not speak. He did not yell, he did not mumble. He sat there, on his knees, crying. They were lying next to each other, each one holding Harry's hands. The little boy was crying, hugging his mother's arm and still holding a toy. He barely had any hair, but any person could tell that it was black._

Harry's eyes stared straight back at Sirius. The green orbs of which Lily possessed, staring at him, agony in them. 

Sirius screamed. He screamed for Lily, for James, and for Harry. He screamed at Peter and at Voldemort. He just..shrieked.

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"LILY!!!!! JAMES! PETER, HOW COULD YOU?! NO!" His screams echoed off the blank walls as he began to move back and forth, swaying hysterically. His eyes were watering; his jaw was clenched tight, so tight that his teeth began to ache. He had his hands closed so tight that they were bleeding, and his face was dark.

Turning his head slightly, he stopped screaming. Everything seemed like it had frozen. If someone were to look at his face, they were surely to have screamed. His eyes were narrowed and tears stained his dirty face; his lips were pursed into a snarl as he thought about Peter. His hair was madly roughed about and his hands were bloody. 

His eyes. They stuck out of his white face like yellow upon black. They showed the emotions of which he felt: fear, anger, sorrow, regret. However, they never showed happiness. The man sat down on his bed, still swaying back and forth, mumbling in his sleep. Crying in his sleep.

"Lily .. James .. Lily .. James .. Lily .. James .. Lily & James." Words amidst tears, flowing freely from his eyes.


End file.
